Just cropdusted the office
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
