i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
