On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
