i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
