I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
