i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
