Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
