you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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