i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
