And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
