I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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