I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
