I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
another moral hangover. fuck.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
