All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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