I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
