when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I need a beard to bite.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
