get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Boobs are out for the taking
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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