I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
