Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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