Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Randomize
