And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
