how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
