He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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