no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
