my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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