I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
