I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
its not stalking. its research.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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