I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
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Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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