My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
