apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
