Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
