Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
