He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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