I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
