Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
