I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Come back. Shots need mouths.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
