actually, I'm a sock model
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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