she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
