I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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