I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize