My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
