sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
