My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
