You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
