How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
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she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
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pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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