Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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