Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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