I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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