Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
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apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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