grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
