Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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