Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
