Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
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I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
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Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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