Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
