I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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