my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
