first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
