I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
